i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
