Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
