And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There's always time for handjobs
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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