so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
