We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
