I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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