Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
