the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There r osticjed everywhere
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
