I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
