dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
