this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
