I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
