Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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