I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
