I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize