i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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