Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
