He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
