Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
