hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
