Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
