If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
