woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
