I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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