whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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