Where did you get a picture of my penis
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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