Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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