Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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