Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
