So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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