His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
