So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
