The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
