I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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