You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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