Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
