i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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