I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
