his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
