Betty ford says i'm here all night
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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