we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
