I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
