I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
