Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
50% drunk capacity currently
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
