Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
