Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This baby is an asshole
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize