He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
