omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
