I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
