This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
