like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
