I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
