Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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