chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
