just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
