i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
