I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
