Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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