Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
