3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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