I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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