She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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