Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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