It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
did i walk over a car last night?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
