I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
