I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
