don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
