I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
