I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
