k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
