i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
