This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
