Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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