i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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