you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
