dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
