I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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