I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
