he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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