I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
