Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
