at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
