what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize