Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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