I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
