do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
