So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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