If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize