i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
