she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
