k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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