weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
