I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
