Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
