He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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