Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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