turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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