i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
