the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
