WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize